Friday, January 29, 2010

Oh She's That Friend...

Deny it if you will, but we have all had “that” friend at some point in our lives. The friend that is needy, possessive, or always right. The friend that you are embarrassed to admit you let walk all over you. The friend that always turned everything you said, no matter how polite you were, into something negative. If you are one of the lucky few who have been spared, keep your radars up because they will find you (or unfortunately, you may be “that” friend).

What does it mean to be a true friend? How much of yourself should you give? These basic questions were at one point in my life easy to answer. Growing up, we are taught to be kind to others. Treat others the way you want to be treated. However, when we actually do grow up, things get a little more complicated. Especially with “that” friend.

I think that every mother should have THE talk with her daughter, and I don’t mean the birds and the bees. Every daughter is warned about the male predators they will face in their lives. ‘They only want one thing,’ rings through my ears. However, few of us are warned about “that” friend who will inevitably suck the life force right out of us. “That” friend that will have us questioning our own actions. “That” friend that will have your self-esteem plummeting faster than you even realized.

The key is to recognize the warning signs. Of course, that is easier said than done. Most of us don’t see them until it is too a late. For me personally, I know now that I had become an enabler without even realizing it. When you are consistently put into a situation where “that” friend is ragging on other friends, acquaintances, or family members, listen to the bell that is going off in your head. This is definitely a warning sign. When “that” friend has a tendency to yell and belittle you because she suspects that you did something she didn’t approve of, grab hold of that light bulb flashing above your head. When “that” friend constantly does things that add unhealthy stress to you and your family, take cover and run for your life.

12 comments:

melia426 said...

i love how you wrote this... totally got my attention... i wish i had your skills...

melia426 said...

totally agree with you... those type of people always bring you down, you always have to be on edge when talking to them about how to say things and how it could be taken, you can't just be you and be carefree and happy... i definitly wish i had been warned to steer clear of them :)

Annie said...

You have excellent writing skills. If you meet someone like that in the future you'll hear the warning bells sooner and save yourself the stress.

Jodi Crisp said...

I have had "that" friend in my life before...and it is extremely unhealthy. The truth is, if all "that" friend can do is gossip and talk negatively about other people - then he/she is most likely doing the same about you! With a true friend there is mutual understanding, comfort, love and loyalty that doesn't sway (even during difficult times).

Kammy said...

Thank you all for the kind responses.

Jodi, I completely agree that those types of friendship are unhealthy. They add unnecessary strain to your life, which in turn affects your mood and family life.

Annie, I will definitely hear the warning bells easier now. Hopefully, this post will forewarn at least one person.

Melia426 and Jodi, I am sorry that you too had the unfortunate luck to have trusted in someone you shouldn't' have. Best of luck to all in the future!!

Nan said...

For some reason, I always seem to attract "that friend" !!! Unfortunately, with 4 children and other good friends, I don't have time for it anymore. The older I get, the more I have less tolerance for that! Thanks for the article. Very well written!!!

Kammy said...

Thanks Nan! And good luck avoiding "that" friend in the future! :)

thegreengirl said...

I'm in the same boat as Nan, I've had "that friend" through every stage of my life but, now with kids somewhere I've grown to confidence or guts to speak up for myself and let them go.
But, I think it's a great point to speak to our daughters about this because, as much as I love her, I think this is all my Mom's fault!
Her big lesson was to be kind to everyone and always be a friend, especially to those who didn't have any. Seriously, to this day she's still telling me that I should befriend people on FB from high school so as not to hurt their feelings.
We have to find some happy medium:)

Renee Ann said...

Great post! Unfortunately I think many of us, even when warned, end up learning the hard way. We suffer and then "that" friend simply moves on to someone else! (I'm visiting from The Girl Next Door contest.)

Kimberly said...

Hi I'm visiting from The Girl Next Door Grows Up...

I had friends like that in gradeschool and carried them with me through the first half of highschool...then I grew up and realized that I was more important than they were and found new friends who loved me for me and respected me...night and day. Those friends that I have now, rock my socks and are what real friends should be like.

abitosunshine said...

Great advice and an excellent write! I have a family member who sucks the life right out of me in a verbally abusive way. I'm currently struggling with how to eliminate this negative from my life in a gentle way.

Stopped by via the iWrite-iBlog-iWin contest.

Blessings & a bit o' sunshine!
Ruthi
http://abitosunshineloveandwriting.blogspot.com

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I have had pe0ple in my life wh are like that and I d0 run. Fast.

S0rry f0r the weird typing, the letter "0" is n0t wrking and I have t0 use a zer0 instead!