Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Losing Control

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all want to feel like we are in control.  But complete control is merely an illusion.  A very unattainable illusion.  For we can only control our own actions and nothing else.  

For the last eight years, I have been trying to teach my children a lesson that I have yet to learn.  I understand the lesson in theory and I believe it to be true, but somehow I constantly find myself digressing.  We are responsible for our own actions and our own actions alone.  We cannot control what others do or how their actions effect those around them (even ourselves).  Regardless of your careful planning, ideas, or expectations,you are not in control of the outcome.  Things can always go another way depending on those you surround yourself with intentionally or by chance.  Trying to control the actions and behaviors of others is a loss cause.  And it is time for this lesson to actually sink in.  Time to stop, regroup, and be still.  (Psalm 46:10 Be Still and know I am God.)

When you get the sense that you have lost control, it usually stems from an expectation not being met.  If we expect a child to behave a certain way and they don't meet those expectation, we may sometimes describe it as losing control.  But we need to remind ourselves that our children are not puppets to control.  We can teach them right from wrong, but when it comes down to it, only they are in control of their own actions.  The sooner we can learn this lesson in life, the less disappointment we will have.

The same thing goes for our friends and spouses.  We often create unconscious expectations in our head about how they should act, what they should say, or what they should do.  These are ideas that we have created silently and I cannot understand why we are let down when those close to us do not meet the expectations they are unaware of.

So my new goal is to try to worry less about the negative actions of others and concentrate more on my  positive interaction with others.  While others cannot control my actions, I hope that I somehow measure up to their silent expectations and they never leave a conversation with me in disappointment. Do you ever feel like you are losing control?  Is there some part of your life that you just need to loosen control?

Grab a latte, put up your feet, and join the discussion!

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